The center for science in the interests of guys
I have invented a fictional scientific institute, funded by men, that keeps producing studies which, at least on the surface, seem to be good news for guys.
Here's a summary of some of the research:
- Semen is an anti-depressent. Yes ladies, women with regular exposure to our special product have seriously lower incidence of depression. They compared couples who use condoms and those who don't.
- Coffee is good for you. Ok, this isn't just guys but in stereotypes, they are the coffee drinkers.
- Beer is good for you.
- Wine and alcohol is good for you.
- Men with two wives live much longer. Come on honey, do you want me to die young?
- A whole raft of studies on the health values of orgasm for women, and some for men.
- Chocolate is good for you. Ok, so the women eat just as much as we do.
- Swallowing semen significantly reduces the risk of possibly fatal pre-eclampsia during pregnancy
- You live longer if you're fat and fit than thin and unfit.
- High heels no worse on your knees than ordinary shoes.
- Staring at breasts increases lifespan in men. Ok, so this one was a false study but it could still be true.
- Short skirts cause fewer skirt-related injuries than long skirts. (Ok, this one is just self-evident.)
- Sex every day will strengthen your marriage. OK, not yet studied with full rigour, but, duh!
- There are reports that swallowing semen regularly decreases breast cancer. Though this has been disputed, it's too good not to be researched here at the center.