The Elephant in the room: The big secrets
The conversation that didn't happen:
Adama: So, Ellen, you have all your memories and you're on the side of humanity. Tell us all the secrets, please.
Ellen: I can't do that Bill.
Adama: Well what about Saul, can you tell them to Saul?
Ellen: If I did the audience would hear.
Adama: Frak the audience. Tell him in an offscreen scene!
Ellen: I still can't, because if you knew all the secrets, your actions coming up would not make any sense. You wouldn't be shocked when they are revealed.
Saul: Ellen, when Anders had his memories, he said it was crucial we stay with the fleet. Why?
Ellen: I'm trying to trick you into thinking I want to leave the fleet, so I can't tell you.
Saul: OK, so now that the trick is over and you want to stay, what was the important reason he remembered? What's the miracle? What's the Angels?
Ellen: The audience is listening.
Cottle: So you have worked on Cylon brains before?
Ellen: Of course. We had to reactivate our organic memory transfer systems. And I've built them from scratch.
Cottle: So can you help Anders?
Saul: What about figuring out how he got his memories back and seeing if we can find a safe way to do it on us?
Ellen: Not time yet.
Saul: Aren't we going to learn anything in this episode?
Ellen: Well, we learn I'm still a manipulator. And a nasty one. And Sam will get his brain back. And Baltar's messenger is back too. And Bill has gone crazy, arming Baltar's sex-cult. What's up with that?
Saul: You know all the secrets. Don't ask me.
Well, we do learn a few other things. Starbuck and Pianos. Leobens don't seem to vote in Cylon votes any more. Hera and Liam don't get to start the new race. They don't forgive you if your implanted programming makes you shoot Adama even if you got shot back. But on the whole I can't say this episode will go down in the annals of great ones.