Major chains agree to end "war on white people"
Major retail chains Target, Wal-Mart and others announced today they will end the so-called war on white people that had resulted in most stores posting signs welcoming "shoppers" or "customers" instead of "white patrons", even though white people represented a considerable majority of their business.
"I'm white, and I'm here shopping for gifts for my white friends, and I'm offended that the store has been pressured into making some generic greeting that doesn't reflect me." said William O' Reilly, a concerned caucasian shopper. "If they're not going to welcome me and my race, I am going to take my business somewhere else."
O'Reilly's complaint, echoed by dozens, perhaps scores of other shoppers, has led the chains to alter their policies. Signs declaring "Look good with today's colors" will be replaced next year with "Look good in colors designed for white skin." The "Happy holidays" sign, recently changed to "Merry Christmas" will be further changed to "Merry Christmas for White America" to reflect the ethnicity and religion of 80% of the shoppers in the stores.